Picking pronouns, redefining gender

Viewing identity as non-binary

By Nadine Osborne and Michelle Adams-Thomas | Manor Ink

Livingston Manor, NY – Observed during the month of October in the United States, Canada and Australia, LGBT+ History Month explores the origins of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender pride, and what it means to support and respect LGBT+ individuals in the community.

While this demographic of people has existed throughout history, only recently has there been movement toward accepting LGBT+ individuals in this country, leading to the popularizing of a plethora of queer vocabulary, as well as adding new terms to the dictionary.

While the abbreviation “LGBT+” stands for the terms mentioned, the plus sign implies a wealth of unique identities beyond those four. Recently, this acronym has also expanded to include the letters Q, I, and A, meaning queer, intersex, and asexual respectively. These terms all signify variations on the human condition and serve to validate individual differences and preferences that once were taboo. LGBT+ History Month promotes the understanding and acceptance of those differences in gender and sexual orientation.

Exploring one’s uniqueness

In (slightly) simpler terms, gender and sexual orientation are both ways of expressing your true self. Sexual orientation describes who you are attracted to, and gender describes how you would like others to perceive you.

While many believe that there are only two genders, the act of straying from the gender binary, or abandoning it altogether, has become more widely explored in recent years. Each member of the LGBT+ community has a unique relationship with their gender, giving rise to new gender identities.

The most common identities are male, female, non-binary and genderfluid (meaning the fluctuation between all three of these options). If these terms do not describe you, there are so many more out there.

Each of these gender identities corresponds to a specific set of pronouns, which describes how an individual would like others to refer to them. Commonly used pronouns include “he/him,” “she/her” and “they/them,” although these are not the only ones that exist. A queer person’s relationship with gender may change throughout their life, leaving their pronouns subject to change as well. If someone updates their pronouns, it is important to respect those changes rather than judging or questioning them.

Gender as self-expression

In order to gain a deeper insight into the experiences of LGBT+ youth, we spoke to Mars Madison, a former editor of Manor Ink and now a college student in New York City, who identifies as transgender and mainly goes by he/him pronouns. When asked if gender is important to him, Mars said, “I would say gender identity is very important to me, probably because mine does not align with what I was assigned at birth.”

He explained that, to him, gender identity essentially means self-expression. “Gender identity doesn’t necessarily correlate with gender expression, but they correlate most of the time,” Madison said. He explained that most of his discomfort as a trans person comes from knowing something in his head, while being told the opposite by those around him. He also acknowledged that while discomfort – known specifically as “gender dysphoria” – is common among trans people, being transgender doesn’t inherently correlate with suffering. Instead, Madison asserted, exploring one’s gender can be a very liberating feeling. “Not everyone should ask themselves if they are transgender,” he said. “But everyone should acknowledge that they don’t have to conform to social norms.”

Comfortable pronouns

Michael McKinley, a student at Livingston Manor Central School, shared his/her/their observations on what he/she/they think about pronouns and his/her/their experiences with them. “Gender really does not mean much to me. Yes, there is gender defined as “girl” or “boy,” but personally I believe you can go by whatever pronouns feel right to you.”

McKinley said that because a person must go through life with certain pronouns or labels, those pronouns should conform to who that person feels they are. In explaining what being part of the LGBT+ community means, as opposed to being “cisgendered” or a person who identifies with the gender assigned them at birth, McKinley said, “I would describe it as when someone calls you ‘she/her’ or any of the feminine pronouns, it might not feel right, or vice-versa with male pronouns. You feel more comfortable with a pronoun you have picked.” Being “misgendered” can be difficult, but being referred to with the correct LGBT+ pronoun can be a sign of respect for the person addressed.

In conclusion, this wealth of new, unique identities truly represents the plethora of experiences shared among LGBT+ individuals. Teens and young adults today are more accepting of those experiences, and are often interested in experimenting with gender fluidity. There is no single way to be LGBT+, and those who do not conform to the perceived norm should not be punished. It is important for queer “allies” – those people who accept and respect LGBT+ identities – to remain informed about what these terms mean to the people who identify with them, and to stand beside them as a beacon of support during LGBT+ History Month – and every other month.

Defining terms, noting preferences

Most people are familiar with the acronym LGBT+. But what exactly do these initials stand for, and what do their terms mean?

Lesbian: Lesbians are women who feel sexually and romantically attracted to other women.

Gay: This word is sometimes used as an umbrella term to describe anyone who is a part of the LGBT+ community. However, it can more accurately be used to describe men who feel sexually and romantically attracted to other men. In this context, it is synonymous with “homosexual,” its better known predecessor.

Bisexual: People who experience sexual and romantic attraction to men, women, and/or other genders are described as bisexual.

Transgender: Trans people are characterized by having a gender identity or gender expression that differs from what they were assigned at birth.

Queer: Once used as a derogatory term to refer to LGBT+ people, this term has now largely shed that connotation in favor of a kinder meaning. Queer can be used as a substitute for gay, in that it broadly represents all members of the LGBT+ community. Those who identify with this label typically have a specific preference that is difficult to pinpoint, or not yet defined. It is also possible to use queer as a placeholder term while one searches for an existing label that suits them.

Intersex: Intersex people possess characteristics of both biological sexes. Unlike many other identities, this one is often determined at birth. Those who are born intersex have the option to occupy their own dedicated niche within the LGBT+ community, but not all intersex people are inherently a part of it.

Asexual: This term describes a person who experiences no sexual attraction. Contrary to certain misconceptions, asexual people are not incapable of love; many asexual people still experience romantic attraction, and go on to pursue healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships. It is also possible to experience neither sexual nor romantic attraction to others, to like someone romantically instead of sexually, or vice versa.

Other terms: The growing quantity of unique identities has given rise to more specific vocabulary, which intentionally separates romantic from sexual attraction. If you would like to refer to someone only by their romantic attraction, simply replace “sexual” with “romantic” – for example, homosexual becomes homoromantic.